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Post by Whateversam on Dec 5, 2009 15:34:09 GMT -5
okay. so ms. b said this was a run on sentence but i don't know. i think she just read it wrong. what do u people think?
Also, the fact that the economy is bad and everyone wants the healthy foods, not all the candy sugar junk, will make you a rich store owner.
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Post by soulmusician on Dec 5, 2009 16:46:34 GMT -5
I don't think it's a run on sentence, but it is quite wordy...
It would be better if you just took out 'not all the candy sugar junk.'
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Post by Whateversam on Dec 6, 2009 19:40:00 GMT -5
yeah. i changed it on the essay which im gonna fail. i totally forgot i had to revise so im pretty much starting now. so... yeah. an hour and a half to revise an essay that has a lot of mistakes and that i have to add a quote too. wow this sucks.
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Post by Whateversam on Dec 6, 2009 20:34:05 GMT -5
my internet just shot down and im not retyping this freaking long paragraph i just wrote so... please comment on this essay. if you see any gramatical mistakes or want me to change something so this essay will sound better, let me know but since i have to turn it in tomorrow its sorta pointless to read it after school starts tomorrow. thanks though for just reading this whole pointless long pointless thing. but i have to bring the 72 i got on this at least up to a b so i wanna know what you people think. thanks. Attachments:
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chichiri
New Member
ya-know / no-da
Posts: 20
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Post by chichiri on Dec 17, 2009 17:03:47 GMT -5
you could probably find a way to make the sentience shorter
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Post by G ♥ t h i k a l e a on Dec 17, 2009 21:58:27 GMT -5
Also, the fact that the economy is bad and everyone wants the healthy foods, not all the candy sugar junk, will make you a rich store owner.
Also is hard to put in at the beginning without turning it into a runon sentence.
Our economy is down and everyone wishes for bodily nutritious foods; the popularity of candy and sugary 'junk' (please consider revising this word, your target seems to be to middle schoolers but the teacher is reading this) will plummet extremely and turn you, a supporter of (name your food), a wealthy store owner.
Perhaps that's incorrect, don't listen to me...I know this project is over, but..meh.
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Post by Whateversam on Dec 18, 2009 18:16:14 GMT -5
yeah... I was gonna say. I turned this thing like a week ago.
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Post by soulmusician on Dec 19, 2009 10:59:10 GMT -5
ok, sort of LA related...did you guys hear? Mrs. B is cancer free now!
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